And because the horse is “offering,” and “learning,” it looks good.
It looks progressive.
It looks kind.

But here is what we must face:
Shaping is still control.

When we use positive reinforcement to shape behaviour — we are still deciding what matters.
We are still deciding what is good.
We are still deciding what the horse should value.
We are training them — to become what we want.

That is not relationship.
That is not freedom.
That is not trust.

And it’s not just about theory.

I’ve done this. I used positive reinforcement with treats — a long time ago now — and I’ve watched how this movement has grown. I understand why: people want to be kind. They want to find a way forward.

But here is what I see now — and it deeply concerns me.

Because this is what happens to the horses:

Some horses become anxious.
They are constantly searching — “where is it, where is it” — looking in pockets, scanning for the next cue, the next reward.

The anxiety sits just beneath the surface.
They are trying, trying, trying — hoping to relieve the pressure.

And others — worse still — become shut down.

I will never forget watching a video of a well-known clicker trainer in the USA.
She was describing why this method was so amazing.

Her horse — a grey — stood next to her while she spoke.
She held her food. She explained her technique.

And the horse just stood there.

Head straight.
Not searching.
Not asking.
Not trying.

Nothing.

Because it had been conditioned — not to ask, not to move, not to show expression unless cued.

And what was left — was emptiness.

A horse so conditioned, so shaped — that the life was gone.

This is why shaping is not okay.

Because it either leaves us with anxious horses — caught in the cycle of trying to please.

Or it leaves us with horses who are dead inside — silent, compliant, shut down.

Neither is relationship.

Neither is trust.

Neither is what we truly want — for them or for us.

This is the heart of what we teach in the Learn To Speak Horse course:
How to recognise when shaping is driving the interaction.
How to step away from this conditioning.
How to meet your horse — in truth — and build a relationship where they are free to be fully themselves.

Over and over again we hear from students:
“I thought my horse was happy.”
“I thought they loved doing it.”
“But now — I’m seeing them as they really are.”

And the difference — when that spirit returns — is beyond words.

If this speaks to you — you are so welcome to explore this work with us.
It will change your horse’s experience. And it will change you.

With love,
Paulette

Explore more about this work

🌸 The Horse Knows Best

🌸 Embracing the No

🌸 Mutual Respect — What It Really Means

🌸 Truth Seeker

🌸 When Kindness Feels Like Control — to Your Horse

🌸 My Journey With Whips — What I Learned About Control

🌸 Why “Calm and Kind” Isn’t Always Listening

🌸 Beyond Obedience: Why Shaping Can Still Be Control

🌸 True Liberty vs Trained Response — Can You Tell the Difference?

🌸 What Real Leadership Looks Like for Your Horse

🌸 Offering Choice Isn’t Enough — How Our Intentions Still Shape the Horse