The real work — the hard work — is looking underneath:

👉 at the mental energy,
👉 the intention,
👉 and the unconscious patterns that shape every interaction we have with our horse.

Because control isn’t just about sticks and ropes.
👉 It’s about what lives in us.
👉 It’s about what we carry — even when we think we’ve “put the tool down.”
👉 It’s about what we want from the horse — even when we tell ourselves we’re offering choice.

When I look back at my own journey...

There was a period, years ago, when I thought I had really moved beyond control. I had left behind pressure-based training, I wasn’t using equipment to drive behaviour, and I believed I was giving my horses more choice.

But what I started to notice — when I really got quiet inside — was something very different.

The horses were offering things: putting their feet on the pedestal without being asked. One mare in particular would do pirouettes at liberty — again and again. Some would turn their bottom to me for scratches — not once, but repeatedly.

At first, I thought it was beautiful. They were offering. They were free.

But underneath, there was an energy I couldn’t ignore — a kind of quiet anxiety. Not overt. Not big or loud. But real.

And as I became still enough to feel it, I could see what was really happening:
Even though I had stopped using pressure or food rewards, my mental intention was still shaping the interaction. There was still a subtle desire for an outcome — for the horses to “give me something” — and they had learned to offer these behaviours, not from joy or freedom, but as a way to manage my energy.

In essence — they were trying to shut me down.
They wanted my mind to stop pushing.
More than anything — they wanted relief from the constant unspoken “more” that I was carrying.

That was a huge moment of truth for me.

And this is why it’s so hard — and so beautiful — when people begin this work.

Because it asks us to:
👉 Stop focusing on what’s in our hand — and start looking at what’s in our mind
👉 Stop trying to “get it right” — and start learning how to really listen
👉 Let go of subtle shaping — and invite genuine expression
👉 Release the habit of “moving the horse” — and learn to co-create space

This is not easy work. It takes practice. And it takes guidance — because so many of the old control habits run deep, even in the kindest people, even in what appear to be kind training methods.

But it is transformational.
And the horses feel the difference — instantly.

This is the heart of what we teach in the Learn To Speak Horse course:
how to recognise subtle control
how to shift the energy and intention that lives underneath
how to build real relationship, based on freedom, truth, and mutual trust

If this speaks to you — or if it stirs curiosity — you are so welcome to explore this with us. It will change your horse’s experience. And it will change you.

With love,
Paulette

Explore more about this work

🌸 The Horse Knows Best

🌸 Embracing the No

🌸 Mutual Respect — What It Really Means

🌸 Truth Seeker

🌸 When Kindness Feels Like Control — to Your Horse

🌸 My Journey With Whips — What I Learned About Control

🌸 Why “Calm and Kind” Isn’t Always Listening

🌸 Beyond Obedience: Why Shaping Can Still Be Control

🌸 True Liberty vs Trained Response — Can You Tell the Difference?

🌸 What Real Leadership Looks Like for Your Horse

🌸 Offering Choice Isn’t Enough — How Our Intentions Still Shape the Horse